by Dave Ellis

As I mentioned in a recent article we are having baby number five, who now by the way, has a name: Bonnie Sweet Ellis. The first name was picked from a name list, the middle name is my wife’s maiden name. All of the girls (4!) in our family have the middle name ‘Sweet’ but not the boy. His middle name is Michael because I just couldn’t do that to him.

So we have four girls and one boy. Coming from a family of six boys and one girl this is a change for me. I don’t envy my boy’s position, two older sisters and two younger sisters, but I do envy the totally awesome dad that he has! He rocks.

The important question we now have is, “Now that we have five kids are we done?” That question gets some varied and some sundry answers…all from my wife. Ask her before delivery, well…maybe. Ask her during the delivery…probably yes.

Also, side note, don’t ask where the TV remote is or complain about how much your hang nail hurts during the delivery…you really don’t get the response you are looking for. Well, not anything you can repeat in mixed company. Also don’t complain to anyone about being tired because you then are tired AND insensitive.

Luckily the question about whether to have more children can be answered entirely by the unsolicited remarks of complete strangers! They seem to know what’s best for your family and they have a total unbiased position because, once again, they know absolutely nothing about you!

The best and most recent of these interactions was at the hospital two hours after my daughter was born. The cashier at the cafeteria commented on my pink bracelet (it’s the hospital issued ID bracelet – thank you very much) and congratulated me, like so:

Cashier: Oh! (pointing at bracelet) I see you had a baby girl!
Me: Yep.
Cashier: Is this your first?
Me: Nope, she has three sisters and a brother.
Cashier: Well, sounds like you are done. Five is a lot of children.
Me: Five is a lot of dollars for this breakfast but I’m still paying for it. We wanted a big family.
Cashier: Well good luck with that.

Alright, so I didn’t come up with the ‘Five is a lot of dollars’ line until now but it was a good one, right? I hate it when the comeback is delayed by a week. Anyhow, that’s the typical response I get regarding my ‘big’ family. Why do people care? It’s not like we’re asking them to babysit (we are looking for a babysitter by the way).

Oh! Just thought of another one for the cashier, “We are trying to save money – we were told that our tenth delivery is free.” Crud, now I’m going to have to drive all the way back to the hospital cafeteria and try to set up the conversation again. Be right back.

OK, she wasn’t working today, but point being that everyone will have advice for you, but don’t listen to them. My advice (listen now) is that you have as many children as you and your spouse want. And when you do find yourself in the hospital ready to receive that little bundle of joy remember one thing, don’t order the Eggs Benedict from the hospital cafeteria, life is short enough as it is.