By Steve Tracy, MA NAFP MFT

Question: Once again we are setting goals for our family this year and we really want to try and keep them. We do the typical thing: make a goal, do it daily for a week or two, occasionally for a few more weeks, and then stop doing them all together. How can we do better?

Answer: One of the most difficult things to do is break a habit. The good news is that you can change– not just for a resolution, but for a healthier, happier life. Here is a snapshot of some of the best ideas to help you on your way:

There is no try, you either do or don’t do.

When you are seated just “try” to stand up. There is no midway in this effort. You either are standing up or sitting down. Like President Kimball’s famous phrase, “Do It” represents a commitment that transcends whatever comes between you and your goal.

Write it down.

A goal not written is only a wish. Writing down your goal and outlining the steps to achieve it gradually works best. When do you start? Now, of course.

Rules make life safe, not defy agency.

It is always better to build fences than put an ambulance at the bottom of a cliff. Setting a boundary, schedule, or outline of what you will do daily is another fence. It enables more than it limits.

Have the courage to be in the process.

We do not need to be perfect now. Perfection comes one step at a time. It is hard to be that patient and persevere but it pays off just like compound interest.

Send yourself positive messages.

What we think over and over again becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Converting negative thoughts into positive ones alters behaviors, emotions, and relationships.

Occam’s razor works!

When planning, always start from the most obvious and simplest points. Complex ideas and principles bog down your plans.

What rules do you follow?

Do you play baseball by football rules? We all play ‘the game of life’ from rules we have learned. Examine your rules and alter as needed.

You Are Enough.

There was a time in life when you knew you were OK just for being who you are. Remind yourself often especially if you are a perfectionist (self critical) that you are still enough.

I’m a human being, not a human doing.

Mindless doing produces mindless results, so focus on the essence of each experience. Each moment and activity is unique and has qualities that edify. Doing for doing’s sake is a starting point, but find the meaning.

Roll with ‘the wheel.’

The wheel has a 3 point triangle inside it – our behaviors, our thoughts, and our feelings. Tending to each element balances life.

Use the 90/10 Rule to assign responsibility.

90% of what I do is belongs to me, only 10% belongs to others. Someone may trigger a reaction (10%) but I always decide how to react. If someone talks to you when they are upset then empathize with them (note: this does not apply in abusive situations).

The “Dickens Effect” determines why we react to a situation.

This refers to the three ghosts from A Christmas Carol by Dickens. We react to a situation only after running the present (ghost) through the past (ghosts of old memories, situations, and people and what resulted from it before), and then create our future. Our past is only effective when we use it as a learning tool. Keep making small, appropriate changes. This is the epitome of agency as we are not tied down regardless of what has happened to us.

The Golden Rules!

Also known as Agape, Christ-like love, empathy, and many other names. We are told this type of love is the first and greatest commandment. Feeling or finding ourselves at odds with it is the gentle reminder to correct our path and remember that God has given the way to do it.

Steve Tracy’s office can be reached at 702-258-2648, or reach him by email at therapy_business@msn.com.