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Jan 2007 Issue
by Gail Jackson
If young people would resolve at the moment of their marriage that from that time forth they would do everything in their power to please each other in things that are right, even to the sacrifice of their own pleasures, their own appetites, their own desires, the problem of adjustment in married life would take care of itself, and their home would indeed be happy.
Great love is built on great sacrifice, and that home where the principle of sacrifice for the welfare of each other is daily expressed is that home where there abides a great love.”
These words, from President Harold B. Lee, are definitely words of wisdom and are a part of every wedding gift we give. We often frame the quote, usually incorporating the couple’s photograph or a photo of “their temple,” or sometimes both.
As I recently prepared a collage-type arrangement for an upcoming wedding I pondered this couple’s future. They are very young, and are marrying outside of the temple. The challenges of married life will be all the more challenging because of their age and their choice.
Hopefully, this quote will become the opening page in their handbook of instruction for newlyweds. But then, this quote is too valuable to be limited to only beginners. Many of us are well on the road of life; many of us did not have such sage advice. May I change the first few words to make them applicable to wherever we are on our wedded journey?
“If all couples will resolve from this moment on that from this time forth they will do…”
The season celebrating the glorious and sacred time of our Savior’s birth, with its accompanying kindnesses to others, has just passed. The fresh beginning of a new year may be the ideal time to begin courting our spouse anew. Imagine the changes that would take place in a marriage when the message of this quote is put into daily practice. The relationship would be greatly enhanced no matter what the current status of the marriage – whether it be great, good, acceptable or limping.
Marriage is not the fifty-fifty proposition we often hear about. The ideal is each person trying their hardest to give the most to their own spouse. And when it is occasionally (realistically) sometimes 80-20, the balance hopefully seesaws. What could extend the spirit of Christmas so fully and so simply as a man and woman each giving to one another one hundred percent in kindness and thoughtfulness and caring. What candle could possibly burn brighter than one ignited with kind words and gestures.
While the world is in havoc our homes can become even more than a bit of heaven on earth, with just a little thought and forethought–and a little less “me.”
If you have let your children come before your spouse, remember, you were a couple first, and will be again some day.
In that regard, if you have let yourselves fall into the habit of referring to each other as “dad” or “mom” has this subtly changed your relationship? Is it best to let your children have ownership of those names?
We all fell madly in love, and hopefully madly in like, with our partner. In the beginning we put our best foot and face forward. What has changed? Who has changed? Most importantly, why has there been change? Before we point fingers, we must consider the merit in the trite phrase “when we are pointing our finger at someone, three other fingers are pointing back towards ourselves. If we have fallen out of like, it is worth working to fall back into.
In the above paragraph I wasn’t meaning “face” in the literal sense. Yet, as I wrote it, it brought to mind a significant moment many years ago. It was late afternoon and I was putting on make-up. Our youngest asked where I was going and the next older replied, “She isn’t going anywhere; Daddy is coming home from work.” A few seconds in time had immeasurable impact on a child. It wasn’t lost on their father, either.
Little annoyances can simply be “in-spite-of’s” if we’ll let them. As in, “I love him in spite of the fact he leaves his socks on the floor.” If you can’t change the situation, try to change your attitude towards the situation. As a bonus, often when we change our attitude, we see a situation change.
It is my prayer that we can all be kinder, gentler people this coming year and that we will start with our spouses and loved ones.
…Great love is built on great sacrifice, and that home where the principle of sacrifice for the welfare of each other is daily expressed is that home where there abides a great love.
