by Danielle Ellis, Editor

Whether you’re in the throes of planning your wedding, or that day is decades and generations past, it’s always important to keep the courtship alive. Scientists will tell you how much a happy marriage improves your health and increases your life expectancy. Sociologists will tell you how much better you are in a happy partnership than any other way. Prophets will tell you that you are building a relationship that can go on through eternity. But you probably already know for yourself that wedded bliss is just plain old fun. So how do you keep the spark in your relationship? Here are a few ideas.

Date Night

There is no good substitute for a fun date. When relationships are young, dates provide an opportunity to talk, have fun, and create shared experiences and common ground. Hey, wait—they still do that when relationships are older. Time alone as a couple, without chasing kids or hauling diaper bags, while doing something fun, is a great way to fall in love again. No wonder we have been counseled to have weekly dates. The adage is true that a babysitter is cheaper than a marriage counselor!

If your dates need some more spark, try having each spouse create a list of fun dates. Then take turns picking off each other’s lists. Be adventurous enough to have a great time even if your spouse’s idea of fun is different than yours. You might learn to broaden your horizons, or you might just appreciate getting the same adventurous spirit from your spouse in return. No grumbling allowed!

Speak Kindly

Remember when you first met your sweetheart, and you spent your time telling everyone how great he or she was? Rekindle that. Delete from the script any mention of uncomplimentary traits. Make time to tell someone, even your children (or especially your children) how great their other parent is. Find five things every day to thank your spouse for, and see what happens to your feelings about your relationship.

Get The Door

Those little pleasantries like holding doors, opening car doors, holding hands or taking an arm, can get lost in the hustle of daily life. If not every day, at least on your date nights take time to enjoy those little tokens of affection. Put the menu down at the restaurant and smile at your sweetheart. Linger over a hug. Flirt a little! Laugh together. This is the relationship you want to keep forever: tune it up with small niceties.

Pray Together

There is something special about kneeling together in prayer. Hold hands and thank the Lord for giving you that day together. Ask His blessings to be on your marriage and any trials you may be facing. Ask to see each other with His eyes and His love. As you do, love grows and flaws seem to disappear.

Improve Yourselves

Pick an area to improve yourself. When you are tuned up, you have a more positive outlook on life. You are more lovable and more able to love. Focus on actions rather than results; i.e. “I will walk thirty minutes three times a week” (with my sweetie?!) or “I will read scriptures for thirty minutes in the morning.” That is easier and leads to more probability of success than “I will lose twenty pounds” or “I will finish the New Testament in a month.” In addition, you will be releasing endorphins to brighten your mood, and your new project will give you conversation fodder for your next date. Even reading a new book each month makes you more interesting. For extra credit, you and your spouse can work on self-improvement together. Cheer each other on (no nagging) and be accountable to one another. Celebrate your successes together.

Apologize

As my bishop counseled during Dave’s and my ring ceremony, “be the first to apologize.” Don’t wait. Just think long and hard until you can sincerely find what you need to apologize for when things aren’t right. Then humbly ask for forgiveness. That simple act can break down any walls that build up in a relationship and put things back on a more chipper note.

Say The Words

Find more ways to say “I love you.” Those words alone work wonders, but add some new notes to your repertoire. Whether it’s on paper, with flowers, by taking out the garbage or by holding down a job, say it. “I work so hard every day because I love you and I want to take care of you” can soften a heart and create tenderness. Indeed, when you find more nice things to say to your spouse, you start a positive cycle of interaction that bears wonderful fruit.

President Hinckley has quipped that the “golden years are laced with lead,” his humorous way of nodding to the realities of aging. Yet he never wavered in his love for his sweetheart. It seems that his love for her is still increasing. He commented after her passing that “the girl of my dreams is now once again the girl of my dreams.” What a great example for every couple in the Church, to court each other so well that even after almost seven decades together, their love is strong enough to withstand the separation of death. Now that’s a real romance!