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Feb 2007 Issue
by Andrea Lauritzen
Being single in a family-oriented church can be difficult. It is important for single members to find a place within the ranks of gospel service and membership; and for others to be sensitive to the fact that single members have differing needs and may have tender feelings regarding the issues of marriage, childbearing, and families.
Finding one’s place may be as simple as finding a purpose. Determine what the Lord’s purpose is from the current situation, and what learning opportunities are present. Some people may wonder, “What could possibly be the purpose of being single?” The answer may be as personal as the individual asking.
In a Priesthood Blessing I received many years ago, I was told that the Lord knew being single was a difficult thing, but He had given me this trial for “building of strength of character.” I don’t know what strengths I needed to build or if I’ve learned all I needed to, but I know the Lord has blessed me with this trial for a purpose, and I have felt His strength and comfort during it. In finding our purpose we will find meaning and joy in our lives no matter our current circumstances.
I don’t know anyone who “planned” to grow up, get married and then divorce; or to remain single. Yet, there are a growing number of individuals over thirty who are single for varying reasons. How do we as friends, neighbors, and members of wards help these individuals feel a part of a family-oriented church? How do we help them feel welcome and comfortable attending activities?
As auxiliary leaders, it may be beneficial to plan ward activities for ALL adults, rather than for couples. This will encourage singles’ participation and a feeling that they are welcome despite their being without a spouse.
Getting singles involved in the programs and activities of the church can help them feel that they have an important contribution to make. There are also many activities which do not require a spouse or children for comfortable participation, such as Priesthood and Relief Society functions. These activities can provide a social network for singles and strong friendships.
Likewise, the singles may provide strength and perspective to those who are married, support to those with young children, and comfort to those who are struggling. Because singles often come alone to church, they may have opportunities to recognize needs which busy parents may not. For example, singles without children may take opportunities to sit with single parents to help care for young children.
Singles can provide many types of service as members of their wards and communities.
They provide a unique perspective as leaders of auxiliaries, members of committees, teachers in classrooms, and participating members of class discussions. Accepting and fulfilling callings can be a way to serve and provide a sense of belonging to singles.
It may be helpful to address in Young Women settings the issues and circumstances of life which may occur. Not everyone will grow up, get married, have children, and live “happily ever after.” It is good to teach the precepts of marriage and family, as this is and should be our goal. However, it can be beneficial to help young adults prepare for a variety of life situations.
As teachers, be sensitive to the feelings of members of your classes. Be aware of the variety of life situations within the group. Choosing to speak inclusively of all members at some point in the lesson can alleviate feelings of isolation, judgment, and inadequacy.
Inviting members from all circumstances to add to the discussions can make a well-rounded and inclusive lesson.
Singles are a great asset to the wards. They may set an example of strength and courage during difficulty. Sheri Dew, as a single sister, has been a beacon to many sisters of the church. She once said she doesn’t think of herself as “single,” she is simply a member of the church. As we think of ourselves as simply members of the church, as we actively participate and openly welcome all participants, we will find that we all have something to give and much to learn from others. We all need love and support in our lives. We each have a specific purpose within the gospel, the purpose God has placed us here to accomplish.
