By Gail Jackson

Occasionally I vary from my regular column format. This is one of those times.

Unless this is the first time you have read “Simply Gail,” you are aware that our youngest son is a recovering addict/alcoholic. Dave even wrote an article about him, with his permission, in last September’s Desert Saints, and has just completed a booklet for distressed parents.

In concert with all the things that Brin must do to make his recovery happen, Dave and I participate in a weekly support group made up of parents, spouses and other loved ones of those who suffer from this horrible disease. Additionally, we attend a once a month group counseling session where the clients and their family members/support person meet together. During this time, there is interaction, discussion and often, assignments.

We met last night and participated in a very uncomfortable group activity.

Twenty-five of us, sitting in a circle, were each given five small slips of paper and told to write down the five things most valuable to us. That was easily and quickly accomplished by every member of the group. The counselor then told us that something catastrophic had taken place and as a result we had to give up one of our five treasured things. It was fairly simple to drop that first item at our feet. For the most part they were mainly possessions like homes, vehicles, income and jobs.

The counselor then announced another catastrophic event and the subsequent need to discard another valuable. Then another. Then another. We had to comply. There was no other way.

All worldly possessions had fallen to the ground by the second round, and we were now forced to choose what had to be let go of what we held most dear. The decisions took longer. The tension and pain was increasingly palpable.

After enduring that, we were then asked to share the “whats” and “whys” of our choices. For a seemingly long while there was silence and then slowly, one after another, we began sharing– and explaining the reasoning behind our decisions. There were tears.

While our group is from all socio-economic levels and very diverse, our final lists were decidedly not! Parents, spouses, children, and our Heavenly Father.

Many of the addicts, themselves, also included sobriety as one of the most valuable things in their lives because they stated without sobriety they had nothing. They indicated how different their lists would have been in the days before undertaking recovery.

While the lists were almost identical, the discard order was varied, and in all cases making the final two decisions was nearly impossible.

The evening didn’t stop there. Some of us were then asked if we were shadowed for a full day would our actions validate our choice. And, in what ways. We were also asked to consider percentage-wise how much effort/attention is devoted to what we value most.

It was a most enlightening evening, and one that could be modified for a valuable and thought provoking family home evening, youth or adult lesson.

Again, if you read this column on a regular basis you know that in our “other” life we are serving as Family History missionaries. Today in our prayer meeting I was asked if I would give the thought. Dave had the LDS Family Services “Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing” with him and as I opened it, there was the perfect paragraph.
I was given permission to add background and briefly told of our situation and our experiences of last night.

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.” This from Ezra Taft Benson at the April 1988 General Conference.

For addicts, recovery is a full time effort. The steps they follow are essential to their recovery. The steps they follow are also valuable for everyone in every walk of life.
Humility is essential to recovery. Is humility any less necessary on the paths we tread? Should our progress be less than a full time effort?

I am thankful for the Gospel and the steps we are given to lead us on the path to working on our perfection. I am thankful to the 12 step programs that teach the tools, spiritual and otherwise, our addicted loved ones need to help them back on the right path.

I am thankful for the increased understanding, tolerance, and patience we have learned through this dip in our road. I am thankful that progress is being made and pray for its continuance.

There is no way I can express my love and appreciation to my Savior for giving his life for each of us. Or, to our Heavenly Father, for having the strength to allow his Son to do so, on our behalf. The best I can do is to do what I can, so their pain, suffering and efforts were not in vain.