By Gail Jackson

In today’s society the traditional “I do” is often, more and more frequently, a We do. Wedding ceremonies do not unite only a husband and wife. This may be the second or third walk down the aisle for at least one of the couple and children are often a part of the dowry.

Couples in this situation usually spend a lot to time in their efforts to ensure the transition will be as smooth as possible in combining the two families. Friendships need to be made, emotional securities must be reassured, households must be rearranged, and chores, ways of doing things, and even traditions must be considered and reworked.

So much effort and attention is needed to meet the needs and ease the transition of this newly forming family that extended families, especially if they live a distance away, are overlooked.

Newly acquired grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are also a part of the package.
If the about-to-be-united families do not live close together, and/or if the children of this new marriage are not well acquainted with one another, a step can be taken to gain familiarity before the actual times of meeting.

Even when this is a totally joyful occasion for everyone involved, there usually is some uncertainty and uneasiness about the first get-together.

Let a simple photo album and scrap book be the first introduction. The cost needn’t be much and the contents can easily be tailored to fit the age of the receiver.

Photographs, with identification, can begin the getting-to-know-you process free of insecurities, fears or time pressures. If you write little descriptions about the pictures or about your family members it will add even more. These books can be looked at over and over again. As the faces and homes in the photos become familiar, that familiarity will help raise comfort levels.

When the individuals finally do meet they will not feel like total strangers.

Along with introducing the extended family, you could include early pictures of their soon-to-be new stepparent, where they grew up, their pets, etc. Maybe you could add pictures they drew when they were young, cards they made, or examples of their hobbies. Possibly you have a report card from when they were about the same grade as the intended recipient. If you do not want to part with the originals, photocopies work well and are quite reasonable.

The items could be enclosed in plastic sheet protectors, making the album very durable and able to withstand much perusing.

Want to do more? Not sure what? Simply put yourself in the recipient’s shoes and think of what you would like to know if your positions were reversed.

How about providing a simple but favorite homemade treat, along with its background, or even just the recipe? My mom made the following cookies every year when we visited. The recipe made oodles and she always stored them in the same decorative three-pound coffee can. She passed away 14 years ago.

Our children were thrilled at our last family reunion when they discovered a similar three-pound can on the kitchen counter. As they gobbled the cookies, memories flooded back and they shared the stories of those grandparent visits with their kids. They even shared a few of the cookies!

Grandma Dot’s Cookies

3 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1-1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp. cinnamon
2 cups white sugar or one cup each white and brown sugars
1 cup finely chopped walnuts
2 sticks butter
2 eggs
5 tsp. vanilla

Sift flour with baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Set aside. In another bowl, beat sugar and butter until creamy. Beat in eggs. Gradually add flour mixture and nuts, mixing well.
Divide into three portions and shape each portion into a long slender log. Wrap each roll in waxed paper.

Refrigerate until well chilled, or freeze. To use, cut slices 1/8- inch to 1/4-inch thick.
Place on lightly greased baking sheet. Bake approximately 12 minutes at 350 degrees or until lightly browned. Let cool slightly on baking sheet before removing.