By Nettie H. Francis

Church: The word alone can scare any young mother with small children. It may bring to my mind visions of temper tantrums, cheerios thrown into Sister Young’s hair, and “I have to go potty,” screamed at the wrong moment. Yet, those of us who want our children to be honest, upright citizens usually make the pilgrimage to church once a week.

When my children were young, I knew that each week I would spend a scant few minutes in the chapel until one of my boys acted up and I would be forced to make a hasty retreat. That’s when my husband and I decided to ask families with well behaved children for tips on teaching reverence during church. Following are some of the ideas we gleaned from others which have worked for us. Not all of these ideas may be right for you, but they may at least help you find your own techniques for teaching your children to be “church mice in the chapel.”

Tip #1: Never give up!

Most parenting problems solve themselves as children grow and mature. Much of the misbehavior children display at church is a result of their age. Don’t despair!

Children grow and soon have the ability to understand and display reverence. Parents may naturally struggle more with their first children as they establish a family standard for reverence. Be consistent and soon older children will model the correct behavior for church, and younger children will easily follow their siblings’ examples.

Tip #2: Sit in the front.

I originally resisted the idea of sitting at the front of the chapel with small children. The family who shared this tip with us, however, insisted that it really worked, so my husband and I decided to give it a try. The following Sunday we sat on the second row of the chapel. I felt that the entire congregation watched us as we struggled with our children through that meeting, but we survived!

Soon, sitting at the front of the chapel became easier, and now it’s a habit. We noticed several changes right away. The first change was in us. We were less likely to take our children out of church when they acted up because we didn’t want to make the long journey back through the chapel. Instead, we endured their sudden outbursts of noise or bad behavior, and when the children realized we weren’t leaving as readily, the bad moments passed and they quieted down.

The second change was in our children. With the podium right in front, our children were more attentive. They took interest in what was happening because they could see everything. And, there were no misbehaving children in front of us to imitate. It is now our regular practice to sit in the front at any event we go to. It’s an act of courage with young children, but it’s worth the risk.

Tip #3: Limit toys and snacks.

With my first children, I always took a large bag full of treats, books and toys to church.
Whenever the children became restless, I would pull a magical “something” out of the bag to keep them quiet for a few more minutes. Soon, however, I noticed that each week they wanted activities bigger and better than the week before. Each Sunday I tried to think of a cool “surprise” I could pull from the bag right at their worst moment to distract them.
Then I realized I was playing their game. They expected me to entertain them! One week my husband and I decided to leave the diaper bag at home. Guess what? We survived!

Our children realized we were not going to entertain them, so they spent their time looking around the chapel or (hooray!) at the speaker. I was amazed how much more relaxed I felt when I didn’t feel the pressure of entertaining my children. Now we let our children bring their scriptures and a pencil to church. When they feel bored they mark their scriptures—a good alternative to treats and toys. And, except for a chew toy for the baby and a quiet book for our toddler, our diaper bag is just that—a diaper bag!

Tip #4: Sit Through the sacrament.

Whatever happens, try to stay in the chapel at least until the Sacrament has been passed. If children do need a quiet book or a pencil, tell them they can have it after the Sacrament. Sitting at least that long will teach younger children to sit quietly, and will set a standard for the sacred nature of the Sacramental ordinance.

Tip #5: Practice reverence at home.

One Sunday it occurred to me that perhaps my children couldn’t sit quietly at church because I never expected them to do it at home. I decided that a few practice sessions would be helpful. Each day that week I set the timer for 15 minutes and told the children we were “pretending” to be at church. Then we sat on the couch, reading our scriptures or scripture readers.

I demonstrated the behavior I wanted them to portray. Sometimes I even put on soft church music. The children loved it! Not only did they learn to sit still, it gave both them and me confidence that they could sit reverently when they wanted to. I knew I could expect it of them at church, because they were reverent at home.

Tip #6: Trade Babysitting Duties.

If you do have a young infant or toddler who must be taken out of church often, take turns with your husband. At least every other week you should have a few reflective moments to yourself during the Sacrament and enjoy some of the speakers.

These ideas have worked for us and our growing family. And, I have even had moments of pleasant surprise when my children comment after church, “Guess what I learned in Sacrament Meeting!”