by Dave Ellis

Years ago I wrote a Davey Award-winning article regarding the huge amount of food storage wheat my parents hauled around as we moved from state to state. What is a Davey Award? Oh, I made that up to reward myself for doing an article each month. It’s like a Peabody Award but made of ice cream.

I bring up the past article because I have some new fodder! By the way fodder is an appropriate term to use, as it refers to livestock feed, which is the bulk of our food storage. I’m not one to complain about large amounts of grains, but we have enough around the house now that I hardly ever need to graze in the backyard.

You know the joke about the guy who is so fat that when he sits around the house he really sits around the house? I made that up – just kidding. But seriously, our food storage is all over our house, on purpose.

My wife, following counsel, has provisioned enough food and supplies to care for a family of six! Which is too bad, because there are seven of us, so we will be drawing straws when everything goes down. Good luck to all of you kids.

Back to the massive amount of food: Having that much food poses a problem: where do you put it? The garage is out of the question, in the summer it gets hot enough in there to cook the food, plus the garage is where we keep all of the extra stuff we don’t ever use.

So we decided it needed to be stored inside the house, in the front room, behind the couch. It’s really not noticeable unless you look behind the couch, in the front room. It’s really the only place and it works. I would like to point out that it takes up the same amount of space as a pool table, but that idea got shot down a long time ago.

Although, if I may continue to point out, a pool table is just as useful as food is during an emergency. For one, you can use the pool balls to kill rodents and then use the pool sticks to roast them. Secondly, you could play the neighbors in pool for their food. Third, I really want a pool table.

Having all that food in one room really isn’t that bad, in fact it’s made my life easier. My wife is so on this food storage/self sufficiency kick that she’s given me something that every husband wants – a birthday wish list that can be fulfilled at a hardware store.

How easy is that!?! I can buy stuff that is perhaps manly and still get credit for a birthday gift. It’s a no-brainer for this brainless guy. No longer do I have to be embarrassed for not knowing the difference between ecru and eggshell (ecru is more yellow I’ve found) as hardware store items normally come in one color only!

Selfishness aside, I have to applaud my wife for getting our storage together. She really has done her research. She is even excited to go camping to test our readiness. Granted the first trip will be in the backyard, which as trips go has less potential of showing up on the evening news. I still get to start a fire—in the barbecue, but it counts.

I do think we are ready for whatever comes our way. Writing this article even made me feel more secure about being prepared. In fact, I think I may win another Davey Award. I better go get the spoon and bowl down for the ceremony.