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May 2008 Issue
By Nettie H. Francis
I am the mother of six children. When we all go to the grocery store, perfect strangers will often ask me, “Are those ALL your children?” (Well, yes.) “Wow, you must be a very busy mom!” (Well, yes.) “Are you going to have any more?” (Not that it’s any of their business, but, well, yes.) The situation is even better if I only have my three youngest children with me, and then I can say, “Yes, these are all my children, and I left the other half at home.”
Psalm 127:3 reads, “Children are an heritage of the Lord.” Current trends in the world and in the church, however, show a decline in traditional family size. People are consciously choosing to have fewer and fewer children.
A mother once told me, “I have heard many mothers who have raised their families say that they wish they would have had just one or two more children. I have NEVER heard a mother say that she wished she wouldn’t have had so many.”
Yet, with so many factors involved in raising families, parents may wonder, how many children should we have, and how often? As we consider these questions, we know that the Lord is ultimately in charge, and we can only do what is within our power. However, here are a few principles to remember as we consider choosing children.
The Commandment: Latter-day prophets have given very direct counsel concerning children and families. In 1935 the First Presidency stated, “Motherhood is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling…next to the angels” (Messages of the First Presidency 6:178). In 1995 in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the First Presidency stated, “We declare that the law to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” In the October 2007 General Conference, Relief Society General President Julie B. Beck stated, “In the culture of the gospel we still believe in having children.”
Eve’s Example: I love the story of Eve. She lived in a beautiful garden with no trials, plenty of food, and only one person to care for. Yet Adam and Eve chose to leave their comfortable Eden and obey the Lord’s command to multiply and replenish the earth.
They chose weeds and rocks and trials and children. And in so doing they chose joy. 2 Nephi 2:23 states, “If they would have had no children they would have remained in a state of innocence, knowing no joy for they knew no sorrow.” I believe that today, parents—and especially mothers—must make a conscious choice to leave our personal Edens to raise children. Our “garden of Eden” may be a job, a career or even just the simplicity of only caring for ourselves. Leaving these pleasures to bear children may not be easy, but the fruit that comes from our sacrifice as mothers is better than a paycheck or the ease of Eden.
Consecration President James E. Faust said, “Being a father or a mother is…an effort requiring consecration” (October 2005 Ensign). When I hear the word consecration I usually picture a time when the Bishop may call and ask us to donate our clothes, food and money to the church. However, President Spencer W. Kimball said, “Consecration is the giving of one’s time, talents, and means to care for those in need…in building the Lord’s kingdom” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p.366). This certainly describes parenthood. Every parent knows that raising children requires the sacrifice of our time (at all hours of the day), the use of our talents (it takes skill to raise a child!), and all of our means to rear children. This consecration of ourselves will seem minor when we consider the blessings of eternal families.
Pottage or Parenthood: In the Bible we read of Esau who traded his birthright for a bowl of pottage. In today’s world, women may be tempted to trade their inheritance as mothers for that which is only temporal. Fame and fortune cannot compensate for the joy of family. The world implies that our child bearing years are really the “golden” years when we should pursue a career, keep our bodies our own, and find pleasure in our own interests. Initially, raising children at home can seem thankless and anything but glorious.
However, when careers are over, and money is spent, children are the one true investment that will keep building dividends. Parenthood is worth more than the fleeting pottage of worldliness.
Fortune or Family: How much does it cost to raise a child? Experts quote clothing, food, sports fees, dance lessons, college tuition and car expenses and tell us that a child’s price tag is astronomical! However, choosing family size according to income is shortsighted. My parents raised 11 children on one very modest income. They made it a point to be self-reliant, and did not accept governmental handouts or welfare programs. Instead, they were frugal and taught us to work hard. All 11 of us graduated (or will soon graduate) from college at our own expense, hard work, and earned scholarships. The Lord will provide when we combine faith with works.
Judge Not: We all know lovely sisters who are not married, and others who are married yet cannot bear children. We also know families who choose children differently than we would—perhaps closer in age or further apart than ours. Bearing and rearing children is a very personal decision between parents and the Lord. Let us enhance our own relationship with the Lord rather than spend our time pointing fingers or criticizing others.
Blessings Beyond Measure: Psalm 127:4-5 reads, “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man (or woman!) that hath his quiver full of them.” Despite physical, emotional, financial and other sacrifices involved in the bearing and rearing of children, the price we pay will seem quite small when compared to the blessings of eternity. We will not only be happy, but forever grateful that we chose children.
