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May 2008 Issue
Question: What is my prescription drug addiction doing to my family and relationship with my spouse?
Debbie: No one is an island. When a member of a family has a drug addiction, everyone in the family is affected. Addiction is a bio-psycho-social problem. Addiction brings with it chaos and co-dependence in the family, where members of the family take on different roles such as:
The Addict: Life revolves around the addiction;
The Enabler: Life revolves around the addict, making sure the family has a “normal” appearance;
The Hero: Raises the esteem level of the family by achievements;
The Scapegoat: Rebels against authority—often the identified patient;
The Mascot: The class clown—makes peace through laughter.
The Lost Child: isolates from the rest of the family.
Treating the whole family and significant others is critical to stop any enabling processes. The family must accept and understand the addiction of the addict, help repair relationship damages, and build healthier relationships.
In the recent General Conference, Elder Russell M. Nelson, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “In God’s eternal plan, salvation is an individual matter; exaltation is a family matter. A truly healthy end result requires the whole family as well.”
Several priorities are essential for an effective approach to addiction. The people who care must protect themselves and get the addict to seek help.
• Get assistance from an addiction counselor. Even a few sessions can be a great help.
• Join a support group.
• Learn about addiction.
• Do not enable the addict. Do not prevent him from experiencing the consequences of his addiction. Do not cover up for him or make excuses on his behalf.
• Do not discuss the problem with him while he is under the influence.
• Do not nag, manipulate, ridicule, snipe at, demean or attack the addict.
• If you are threatened, attacked, or in danger, get out of the house and report it to the police.
• Do not lend the addict money.
• Tell the addict that you are concerned and believe that he needs help. Do this once or twice, and then leave it alone. Do not deliver this message in an angry or sarcastic way or at an inappropriate time.
• If the addict does not get help, plan to leave or to ask the person to leave.
• Do not make threats that you will not or cannot carry out.
• Always remember that you cannot change another person but if you, yourself change, the addict may choose to change in response.
• Do not keep the problem a secret.
• Recognize that the normal rules of reason and moral consciousness are damaged in the addict.
• What you do will be far more effective than what you say. Help for the addict is found in medication, detox, in-house treatment centers, 12-step programs, outpatient programs, counseling, and LDS addiction programs. All of these are there to help the addict in getting
the help that he may need in order to change his life.
E-mail your questions to dtretiak@prodigy.net.
Debbie is in private practice in Summerlin as a Nevada Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Alcohol and Drug Counselor. She is a Las Vegas native and lifelong member of the LDS Church. For appointments, call 702-644-6463 (644-MIND).
