by Lorene Plumb

Two weeks ago my son Allen called to tell me his divorce was final; he is forty-seven. Today he called and announced, “I finally got up the courage to ask a lady for a date. I was so nervous I got a sick stomach.”

I understand: stress can do that. And although that wasn’t what happened to me as a 47-year-old widow going on my first date, my display of nervous tension was worse. I almost burned the house down. It was the holidays, and after I cook a turkey, I always boil the bones for soup. I turned the stove on high, planning to turn the heat to simmer before I left. When my date arrived, excited and flustered, I rushed out the door forgetting the turkey bones.

An upstairs neighbor noticed smoke seeping under my doors and windows and called the fire department. Luckily the fire was contained to the pan, which was warped, blackened, and the turkey bones burned to a crisp. It took considerable scrubbing to remove the black. The pan is still warped, so every time I use it to make turkey soup, I am reminded of just how nervous a person can get.

Shortly following the death of my husband of 27 years, I started college. My goal was to become a home economics teacher. One class required for my major was Understanding Adolescence.
Learning about the developmental stages of teens, it dawned on me that as a widow I was going through some of the same experiences.

Establish a Personal Identity & Build Self-Esteem.

I was a mother of two teenage children (my oldest had married) but I was no longer a wife. I wasn’t even sure how to sign my name. Was I Mrs., Miss or Ms? I attended some singles activities but didn’t want to be identified as being single.

Obtain an Education & Develop Skills to Earn A Living

Although I was proud of my homemaking skills, they would not provide support for a family. I needed a college education.

Gain Independence from Parents

Losing my husband left me feeling vulnerable in so many ways. Parents, family and friends were supportive but still I felt that if someone pushed me with a feather, I’d fall over. Gradually I learned to make decisions on my own.

Learn to Relate to the Opposite Sex

This was a big challenge. I was certain I’d say the wrong thing.

When our home in Roosevelt sold, it was time for me to move closer to campus to continue my major. Heading for Logan, I took a detour to check out Brigham Young University. They accepted my credits. I found an apartment and arranged for the move.

At BYU I found myself in a class with 200 young students. The instructor of Achieving Success in Marriage stated, “Men as well as women are afraid of taking a risk.” With those words in mind, I gathered up my courage and decided to attend my first dance for singles. I practiced dancing around the living room. The music was invigorating and it felt good to dance again. But I wasn’t completely convinced.

“I don’t know how to do these modern dances,” I said to Allen. “Just do what your feet tell you,” he answered. This advice came from a teenager who skated like a whiz at the roller rink and skied like a pro without the benefit of instruction.

My confidence vanished as I entered the Stake Center. I felt extremely uncomfortable and immediately went to the far end of the room to sit and observe. An understanding woman came to sit by me. “Those who want to dance stand by the entrance,” she pointed out. “It also helps to wear red.”

My cousin had advised me not to tell anyone my name. “And don’t tell them where you live. There are some strange characters attending the dances.”

After five months of attending dances, I watched a tall handsome gentleman stroll across the floor and hold out his hand. My heart melted. “Let’s dance the rest of the dances together,” I boldly suggested. “Would you like my phone number?” I offered. So much for caution.

Marlow was a lonely widower and we were a perfect match. You Light Up My Life became our theme song.

So with all this reminiscing I can only hope my son will have the same luck. Allen has a knack for figuring things out. My prayer for him is that he’ll face this new challenge and will find someone special, just as I did. And should he stumble, I will urge him to pick himself up and try again. It’s worth the risk.