MOM: Moving in Molassas

Feb 2009 Issue

By Nettie H. Francis
Molasses—a gooey, sticky substance that pours very slowly, like honey. It was used in pioneer times to sweeten cookies and candy. I use it to make gingerbread at Christmas time. But beyond that, it holds deeper meaning for me. Molasses describes motherhood. Or at least, I feel like I am moving in molasses whenever I try to accomplish anything as a mother, as if I am running and running and getting nowhere.

You know the picture. You wake up with a “to do” list for the day.
All goes well until you get out of bed. Sometimes for me it seems that as soon as I get up, all of my children are awake! I try to hold them off momentarily while I take a quick shower, knowing it’s my only chance. Then, like some superhuman, I make breakfast and get the oldest ones to school.

Now my to-do list can begin. But, just as I close the front door, my toddler has to go to the bathroom. No biggie. We’re almost there when she doesn’t make it. So now I’m cleaning up the floor and getting dry clothes for her. Then my preschooler informs me, “Mama, the baby had a blow-out.” Another bout with diapers, during which the phone rings and I balance it with one hand while opening the wipes with the other. Now we’re off to start the laundry, but before we get there, the phone rings again, and the mailman comes with a package to sign for, and my toddler needs a snack. Finally, I put the laundry in and check my list. But, before I reach item number two, somebody needs their jacket buttoned to go outside and play, and the baby is crying because she’s hungry.
You get the picture…

When my husband comes home at night, I tell him what I accomplished that day, “Um…I think I paid the phone bill.”
Unfortunately, it’s difficult to describe how a mother can be busy—practically running—all day, and barely accomplish anything. And, as I crawl exhausted into bed, I know that in a few short hours I will wake up to another, similar, seemingly fruitless motherhood molasses scene.

On my mission I often had days when I felt I was accomplishing nothing, in other words, “running in molasses.” Later, however, I looked back and found I had actually been the most successful on those difficult days. My feeling of uselessness was just a tool from Satan to discourage me. Motherhood is the same, and on the days when we feel ineffective, we are really accomplishing great purposes: loving, giving service, teaching and more. However, if we don’t have some eternal view of our destination, it can be easy to sink into despair.

I have been in homes where the house is a mess, the kids run wild, and the mother is on the verge of depression. The truth is, every mother has her down days, and anyone can easily slip into despair when life gets too overwhelming. Here are a few tips for dodging depression on a journey of joy, even while trying to move in molasses.

Wake Up!

No matter how crazy your life is, and even if you don’t have children in school yet, GET UP at the same time every morning. Don’t let your children decide when the day starts, YOU DECIDE.
Set your alarm clock and get yourself out of bed. When you are ready, have your children get up. Keep your expectations the same everyday. In our home we dress, make beds and brush hair BEFORE we eat breakfast. Children wake up hungry, and breakfast is a good incentive to get them moving. As often as possible, keep the same standard for yourself. Dress and shower before breakfast. Your day will start faster and more efficiently, and you’ll feel ready to tackle the big jobs of the day.

Work Out!

Exercise is absolutely magical. You will feel better physically and emotionally. The best time for me to exercise is early in the morning. Although it doesn’t always work to go running or do aerobics before the kids get up, the days that I do exercise go much better.

Clean Up!

Nothing feeds depression like a cluttered home. Although it can be nearly impossible to keep a home with toddlers (or teenagers) picked up, do a quick clean up of your house twice a day, when babies go down to nap, and again before you sit down to dinner.
Enlist the help of your children, and you will all feel happier and hopeful when the job is done.

Get Out!

If you feel depression coming on, you may discover that you have been sitting inside for a while. Take a walk, run some errands, or visit a friend. Even grocery shopping, with a chance to chat quickly with the cashier, will boost your spirits and give you some adult conversation.

Stay Up!

One of my greatest reprieves as a mother is knowing that my children go to bed at a certain time every night. Each day I have a least an hour that’s all mine, when the house is quiet and I can read, write, or even clean if I want to. If children wake up at a certain time every day, they can keep a regular bedtime as well. I highly recommend Baby Wise, a book on teaching children to sleep on a schedule.

Also, keep a regular naptime with toddlers at home during the day. If your preschooler is too old to nap, remind him that each afternoon is “Mommy’s Hour,” when he may read books or play quietly, but not bother you, so that you have a few minutes to screw your head back on straight and accomplish a few things in the silence. Although every mother has her down days, knowing that you have some time to yourself will help you avoid depression, and feel joyful. The molasses of motherhood will be sweet!