By Dave Ellis
Have you ever donated blood? I have. Lots of it. Most of it intentional. I figure it’s one of the only ways to give community service while relaxing in a chair.

Plus I’ve got really good blood, it’s the O type which is like the ranch dressing of blood: it goes with everything. Sorry, that was gross. What I mean is that O is universal, it can be used on other types. I’m also high in iron since I eat for two.

I’ve had mostly good experiences donating blood, but I have had a few hiccups. I don’t want anyone to be afraid to donate, because it is such a worthwhile cause. I organized a blood donation for my Eagle Project. I even donated my own blood. They told me I was very brave when I woke up.

Yes, big, strong, ruggedly handsome Dave is not so good with the needles. I don’t really mind getting shots, I just should never, never watch. Something about watching the needle go in makes me light headed. I did the same thing on my mission, in Italy. We decided to donate blood. They stuck me, no problem, I sat there, no problem. They weren’t happy with the flow so they MOVED THE NEEDLE AROUND IN MY ARM, big problem. I passed out. So I’m the first person in my family to pass out on two different continents. Mom was proud.

So now I know not to look at the needle and also to make sure they get a good vein. I have a decent one in my right arm, I call him Toobey. Sometimes he’s out there, sometimes he’s naughty and plays hide-and-seek which means they have to find him. There’s a lot of tapping and drawing on me with markers. One time two technicians argued over where the best vein was! I just let them argue, then I asked a third less angry person to put the needle in.

By the way the blood donor technicians are actually called phlebotomists. Broken down it sounds more like a doctor that deals strictly in head colds. I don’t get Latin.
I hope I didn’t dissuade you from donating blood. It’s really not that bad plus you are helping other people. (Finally you selfish ninny…. That’s only directed at one of you, you know who you are…) But I do feel that I should give you some tips on having a good donation experience. I call this list DAVE’S ULTIMATE GUIDE TO DONATING BLOOD!!! ™

Have a good meal an hour or so before donating. No problem there! Here’s some expert advice though, don’t have a pizza delivered while you’re donating. The donation center staff are not waiters.
Drink plenty of fluid after the donation. Your body naturally doesn’t like losing blood, so it’s best to fool your body. That’s why I drink red fruit punch. Fruit punch looks the same and I think the sugar content is identical.
Avoid strenuous activities after donating. Why do they even tell me this? By nature I avoid strenuous activities. In the business we call that move a “Dave.”

That’s all I’ve got. Come to think of it you might want to read the pamphlet from the blood donation facility, I think I left a few pointers out. Most important though is to make an appointment! Who knows, maybe next time you donate you’ll be sitting next to me. Just make sure to say ‘hi’ when I ‘come to.’