By Nettie H. Francis
It would be impossible to discuss parenthood without some comment on the chore that looms over all young mothers: Potty-Training. When my first son was two-years-old, I delved with excitement into the mission at hand. Unfortunately, the process (which spanned a year) left me older and wiser, and vowing that I would never again train another breathing thing.

The task started pleasantly enough. I read a book, “Potty Training in a Day,” and made the fateful decision that my child was intelligent enough for such a feat. I was sure if I followed every step the book explained, my brilliant toddler would be an amazing success in just 24 hours. However, after days of constant messes, tears and frustration, I didn’t like my son very much, and he didn’t like me at all. I soon gave up.

Two months later, when time had dulled my memory, I attempted the potty-training task again. This time, I trusted that my son would comply out of personal comfort’s sake. Yet once more, following days of tears (mostly mine) and some embarrassing scenes in public,
I was forced to retreat.

After nearly a year of these painful power struggles, my next-door neighbor, Tina, calmly announced one day that she had started potty-training her two-year-old. I was shocked.
Amazingly, Tina wasn’t crying or uptight at all!

During the next week I watched and took mental notes. Then, bravely, I set out yet again to toilet train my son. I mimicked Tina’s nonchalant attitude, and was amazed that within a week, my son was trained! It was an exhilarating feeling. Only a mother can appreciate the triumph that comes from having a potty-trained child!

Since that grueling initial experience, I have trained five other children—successfully, I might add—and would love to share the tips that I gathered along the way from Tina and other helpful moms.

Tip #1: Stay Calm!

My first mistake was to lose my cool and show frustration whenever my son had an accident. Displaying negative emotion is detrimental! It easily leads to power struggles, and the child not wanting to comply with this new concept of independence. No matter what the accident or mess, put on a nonchalant face, express your confidence in your child’s ability to master this skill, help him clean up, and move on!

Tip #2: Keep At It.

Once you decide to potty-train, don’t look back. Even though there will be accidents along the way, keep going. Starting and stopping the process shows discouragement, and gives the child a card to play when he wants you to give up.

Tip #3: Trust the Tot.

Although it’s difficult, trust your child during this time. Once he gets the hang of the process, let him decide when he should go. Aside from times you are leaving the house, simply ask, “Do you need to go?” If he says, “No,” let the subject drop. You’ll be amazed at how he “steps up to the plate” (or potty) when you put the task into his hands.

Following are some potty-training steps that have worked for me. I usually spread them over several months, starting at age one. Adjust them to your life-style.

Step #1: Choose your Chair.

I don’t like cleaning up messes twice, so I avoid potties where moms still have to dump once a child goes. Use the seat that sets right on the big toilet. This saves some clean-up, and also lets you leave the child alone to do his job.

Step #2: Start Young.

The older the child, the more independent he is, so don’t wait! Watch for signs in your one-year-old baby (often during or after a meal), and set him on the potty just before, or during, a bowel movement. Don’t scare him; just “catch” his messes in the toilet. Amazingly, you will soon sense when he needs to go, and he will stop dumping in diapers.
The few minutes of effort needed to put him on the potty will be well worth the diapers and disasters you save.

Step #3: Teach Release.

Once a child has been messing in the potty for a while, set him on each morning when he wakes up, before and after naps, and before baths. Once again, don’t make it a power struggle, just set him on, leave for a few minutes, then put his diaper back on and move on with the day. These moments will first be a “catching” series, but eventually, he will learn to release on demand—an important step in being independent.

Step #4: Take the Plunge.

When a child is close to two-years-old, put him in underwear. I use cloth training pants, and only buy one package of “special underwear” (pull-ups) per child. Stay close to home the first few days, and be prepared for some accidents. Use the “special underwear” only when you need to leave the house. Eventually, your child will learn two things: 1—To hold his urges longer and longer (don’t fret if he goes every few minutes at first), 2—Feel when he must go and release appropriately.

Step #5: Perfect Independence.

Teach him to completely pull his pants up and down, get on and off, wipe, flush and wash.

Step #6: Done with Diapers.

During the next month or so, you will notice your child waking up from night and naps with a dry diaper. This is worth a hug and a compliment, and soon he will be waking up dry every day. Without making a big deal, nonchalantly forget to diaper your child one evening and soon he will wake up dry without thinking twice about it.
If your child relapses, stay calm and positive, don’t give him too much attention, clean up the mess and move on. Your confidence will remind him he can do it. Soon he will be back on track, and you will be VICTORIOUS!