By Melva Gifford
When my twin brother and I were around three years old, our father died from a gun accident. That left my mother responsible for raising six girls and a boy. My mother started working to provide for the family and began the new role of being both mother and father to the family. In all respects she fulfilled that role admirably.

I wager as a mother, that among all her various new responsibilities, she wondered how she could raise a son to be a man. For a three year old boy who would eventually grow to manhood, what opportunities were there for a son to have normal boyhood experiences when he lived in a household completely comprised of girls and women?

The remedy came from trusted sources. Some of the most important of life’s experiences for my brother were offered by grandfathers and uncles of our extended family. I asked my brother about some of his most memorable experiences of childhood.

One set of memories related to our Uncle Lyman who owned a farm in the valley of our small, southern Utah town. My uncle would pick my brother up to have him help with chores. There on the farm, my brother was taught how to drive a tractor and various other tasks. It provided an opportunity for my brother to interact with a man and to learn chores often performed by boys.

My brother remembered Brother Hardy taking him to father and son outings. There, he could have the same adventures as other boys in the ward.

My brother loves electronics and became notorious for taking items apart so he could learn how things worked. This later gave him a good foundation of knowledge in his career. Grandpa Gifford once gave him a used electric drill which was very useful for my brother’s hobby of disassembly and reassembly.

My grandfather Gubler was often available to give direction to my brother’s life by providing timely council.

Uncle Pug took family members on an adventurous car trip.

Uncle Jack would have my brother live in Northern Utah during the summer to have a job.
It also gave him a chance to buddy with cousins his age.

There were also various events provided by both sides of our extended family. I too, remember a number of great encounters with loving uncles and grandfathers who were there when needed.

My brother’s experiences have taught me a very important lesson. Men don’t have to be a parent to be a valuable resource to boys. The grandfathers and uncles of our family saw a need and they took the opportunity to fill it. Men in my mother’s ward also took the time to act in my father’s stead.

Seeing how cool my brother is, I think everyone did a good job with some great raw material. Loved ones and friends saw the potential and nurtured.

Men have plenty of opportunities to provided guidance to fatherless boys in their neighborhood and wards. Some do it by working to their full ability in their individual ward callings as organization leaders or teachers. Others do it by being attentive home teachers. These type of home teachers often go beyond the once a month visit to their families. These men may invite a fatherless boy to participate in their own family activities that involve guy functions. Other men help by participating in neighborhood organizations.

Mentoring boys is one reason I see the value of an effectively run boy scouts or YMCA organization. Another is meeting priesthood goals as a boy advances from deacon to elder. Big brothers or foster parents can share a similar opportunity for mentoring. And I’m sure most of us have met wonderful couples, are in the process of adopting.

The invitation is to take the opportunity to make a positive influence on another’s life when one can. I have appreciated proxy fathers in my own life’s experiences. But my brother especially benefited from companionships with men who offered extra time to a boy in need of a Dad.