By Lu Ann Staheli
Think the word bride. What image comes to mind? A girl, probably mid-twenties, thin body, a perfect complexion, and unlimited resources to give her the wedding she’s dreamed about her entire—short—life.

Now, welcome to reality. The average age for a first marriage is 25.6 for women in the United States. Average. That means, mathematically there must be some who are younger, but also brides who are older. As one who found her true love and married at the age of 40, I definitely represent this upper end of the spectrum, and I’m not alone.

There were an estimated 2,326,500 marriages in the U.S. in 2009 alone, with 92% of them for first-time brides. To maintain the average age, there had to have been many women who didn’t fit the average-age profile. Even now, I know several women who have recently married or become engaged—all above the age of 40.

Although we probably all wish we had the pencil-thin bodies of models we see on bridal issue magazines, or even the girls chosen for reality shows such as The Bachelorette and Bridezilla, the average weight of women tends to rise as they age, putting the older bride into the category of not-so-svelte. A stunning 50% of women will weigh above 150-180 pounds, dependant upon their ethnicity, by the time they reach 40.

As for the perfect complexion, all we need to do is turn on the television and consider the amount of money spent each day by companies hoping to market anti-aging creams and lotions, hair-coloring products, and vitamin supplements, all with the promise of making a younger-looking you, to know that our bodies change, no matter how much we’d like to deny it.

When it comes to expenses, according to the Bridal Association of America, a dream wedding today might cost upwards of $30,000, a figure only the most well-established bride or family can afford to pay. The dress alone can break the budget, with many starting over $1,500. The average wedding cake is $543; ceremony, plus rehearsal dinner, $2,500; flowers, $1,970; rings, $2,067; reception, $14,000; and the list goes on.

So perhaps that image we have of a being a bride isn’t quite what we thought it would be. Does that alter the fact we have a woman, ready to make a huge change in her life by getting married? How are weddings different for the older woman? Are receptions and honeymoons really worth the money? What can any bride expect once she is married?

Speaking from personal experience as an older bride, and with what I’ve observed from my friends who recently married, the ceremony, reception, and honeymoon seem to carry a
different distribution of importance as the potential bride ages.

Where the young bride dreams of the perfect wedding and cries when something goes wrong, the older bride knows it’s the crazy things that make the best memories—like my new sisters-in-law missing the ceremony because they kept driving past the correct parking lot.

The younger bride wears spiked heels, only to discover that a full day of standing in them becomes more miserable by the second. The older bride knows to wear a sensible-heeled shoe, one she can slip off during the reception without anyone being the wiser.

To the younger bride, planning the honeymoon is an exciting event. Money is no object—a week in the Bahamas? A snorkeling trip to Hawaii? Maybe backpacking across Europe? It all sounds great, and doable to her, although the young groom might not think so once he sees the potential charges.

However, the bride has often forgotten when it comes to being young, in love, and newly married, nothing outside of the hotel really makes much of a difference, at least for the first few days. It’s the older brides who realize the most memorable honeymoon trips are simple, often at a place with few distractions, and never so expensive that you’ll still be paying for it for years beyond the occasion.

Whether the bride is above or below the average in years, both have something in common, once the wedding is done, the reception and honeymoon over, the couple—husband and wife together—must see that their relationship is about much more than just the wedding.

Now it’s time to face married life and its reality.