by Dave Ellis
We dye eggs every Easter. You might say “Big deal! We do that too you awesome guy you.” Thanks for the compliment, but you don’t do it like we do. My kids don’t just dye eggs. No, they dye entire rooms. Easter 2009 made our kitchen look like it was a roadie for a hippie band revival tour.

Besides the color mess the dyes also smell like vinegar. I bet most of you had to go out to buy vinegar just for the occasion right? Not us, my wife buys vinegar in serious bulk. She uses it to clean just about everything in the house. Before the smell of vinegar reminded me of dying Easter eggs. Now the smell of dyed Easter eggs reminds me of clean toilets. Try getting that association out of your head. So even thought the dye ruins every fabric and surface it touches it still is technically cleaning the house. Two birds with one stone. So I can’t be entirely mad at the children.

I’m sure you’d say, “Well you need to control your children better super cool guy who’s probably a great dancer.” Thanks again for the compliment. No, it’s not so much my children’s fault as it is gravity and liquid dynamics. I’d no sooner expect them to understand the Coriolis Effect or Newton’s Laws of
Motion! The concept of physics is too advanced for the children so it’s not fair to blame them. Who knew that dropping an egg from three feet up would create a splash that shoots dye all over the table? Certainly not the same kid that drops objects in the tub every night turning my bathroom floor into a Federally protected wet land!

Besides all of the aggravation of having poly-colored kitchen appliances, dying Easter eggs is actually fun. The only problem is the quantity of eggs involved. I have five kids and each one wants to dye at least five eggs. I can’t remember the last time
I’ve used twenty-five hard boiled eggs…oh wait, I can. It was last Easter and every one before that. The real kicker is that I don’t like hard boiled eggs! The texture of the egg whites grosses me out. This is why I don’t like gelatin desserts either.
I know, I will turn in my Mormon card. Sorry all you M-Z people at the ward potluck dessert table.

The strange part about secular Easter is the menagerie of animals involved. Chickens lay the eggs, rabbits then color and hide the eggs. Then everyone eats the pig for dinner. Poor guy, just minding his own business. I really don’t get where the pig fits in. Thanksgiving means turkey so we eat one.
Easter means rabbits so why don’t we have bunny for dinner?
It all goes back to the food chain, if you are cute and fuzzy you are spared. Nature is tough but fair – although I’m a little worried at what side of the list I fall on…

So after we roast the ham we eat deviled eggs, marshmallow baby chicks and chocolate bunnies that have a hollow soul.
Sounds like a horror movie!

I hope you enjoy your Easter as a reminder of spring and renewal but more importantly as it’s true meaning in the Atonement and the Resurrection. Happy Easter!