By Krista Ralston Oakes
“The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes them a mother – which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician.” — Sydney J. Harris (1917-1986)

My husband and I had to wait many years for the arrival of precious souls who would call me “Mom.” Meanwhile, the Lord filled those years with opportunities to magnify the calling and divine role of motherhood. Those were Motherhood Opportunities for Me. (M.O.M.)

During our first year of marriage I worked as a teacher’s assistant in a special education school. Our students ranged in age from nine to twelve years. Together we worked on reading, writing, counting, and basic life skills. Once a week we walked together to a nearby store and learned how to buy groceries and count money. On other days we would cook together. We learned how to use the phone and call each other. We attended music therapy classes. I came to really love the children in my class, and missed them terribly when my husband found a job in another state. It was my first M.O.M. experience.

As we settled into our new area, I decided to take a sign language class at a nearby community college. I had been exposed to this form of communication in the special education environment, and felt prompted to learn more.
Right after the semester ended a family moved into our ward with their eight-year-old son, who was deaf. My husband was his Primary teacher, and I was called to be his interpreter so that his mother could attend Relief Society.
It was a joy to work with this child. He was very patient with me, as we quickly learned that he could read lips much better than I could sign! Sometimes my hands would hesitate, and he would roll his eyes and sign to me what I was supposed to be interpreting for him. But it was a fun experience. I especially loved “singing” the Primary songs together with our hands. This was another M.O.M. experience, lasting for more than three years until his family moved away. We were recently reunited online, and I was very happy to learn that this child is now a grown man, successful and happy, and a returned missionary.

I also served as an early morning Seminary teacher, which gave me the opportunity to study and teach the gospel on a daily basis. Sometimes, as I faced the rows of bleary-eyed teenagers, I wondered if it was possible to make a positive difference in their lives. But then one of them would approach me and ask for a copy of something I quoted in a previous lesson. Or another would give a sacrament meeting talk and refer to something she learned in Seminary. Later, when they received mission calls and got married, I received invitations and excited phone calls: “Sister Oakes, I’m coming to the Dallas temple! Will you be there with me?”

Years later, as our longing for children seemed to weigh heavier than ever, my husband and I sat in the bishop’s office on a spring day. The call was extended for me to be the ward Young Women president. I was sustained and set apart on Mother’s Day, and tears of gratitude came easily as I received twenty-five “daughters” under my stewardship. I taught these girls and shared my testimony with them. I listened to them and was concerned for them as they faced challenges. I prayed for them. I attended their activities and cheered their accomplishments. Once again I was invited to attend temple endowments and sealings.

I came to learn that pregnancy wasn’t the only way to learn selflessness. Labor and delivery rooms weren’t the only places to learn sacrifice. I didn’t need to share DNA with someone to nurture them and give them unconditional love.
Regardless of family status, motherhood opportunities – the opportunities to develop our divine attributes – are mercifully available to every daughter of our loving Heavenly Father.