Moving Out: When a Teenager Wants to Live on His Own

Nov 2010 Issue

By Lu Ann Brobst Staheli
Three years ago my oldest son decided he’d had enough of living at home, so within a week of turning eighteen, he was out the door, on his way to what he thought would be a great life with all the freedom he imagined would come his way. What he discovered was that freedom isn’t free, being on your own often means being alone, and it costs a whole lot more to support yourself than he ever imagined.

You’d think his younger brother would’ve learned from the first one’s misconceptions, but a week ago the opportunity came for him to move into an apartment with his now-married older brother, and he couldn’t wait to pack up and move out.

Sigh! What’s a mother to do? A little tough love and a massive reality check was certainly appropriate in both cases, so off they’ve gone, leaving the other three boys at home, shaking their heads, wondering what kind of fool would be so all-fired anxious to spend so much money to live in a room half the size of the one they left at home, yet paying a ton of money to do so? But some kids just can’t be told, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that often kids seem to learn better from the sage advice of an adult who is not their parent.

I’m hoping this list of six areas of finance will hit home for your children as they consider the costs of moving away from home in that time-honored tradition of learning to make it on their own.

The first reality check for my sons was that they needed two full months rent before they even moved into the place. Electricity, gas, and water/sewage services needed deposit money too. Most kids today have cell service, and ours had actually been paying for their own for some time, so that wasn’t a shock to them, but the high cost of Cable-TV and an Internet provider with enough bandwidth to run their online gaming systems was.

Some apartments come furnished, others do not. Those that do cost more; but a bed from home needs sheets, blankets, and pillows that a kid might not consider until Mom’s linen closet is no longer available. And what about a couch, chairs, kitchen table—the list can go on and on—dishes, flatware, glasses, frying pans, baking dishes, yadda yadda, yadda—not to mention a fridge, stove, or dishwasher.

Once your teen has moved out on his own—if your child is a boy this will take him about ten seconds to realize—he now has to actually have food to feed himself, soap to wash himself and his clothes, and other general cleaning supplies, like a vacuum cleaner, mop, or dust rag. Dare I mention clothes and shoes?

Unless he lives in a city with sufficient affordable and accessible public transportation, the child is going to need some means to get around. Will he have a car payment? And who will now be responsible for the insurance coverage for both the car and the kid for life, dental, health, renters and automobile insurance? Once he’s figured out how to get places, you can bet he still wants to see the latest movie, buy the newest games and DVDs, and see the hottest groups in concert. Maybe he’s used to attending the local gym on the family’s annual membership, and “party at my house” no longer finds the pizza funded by Mom and Dad.

Our sons are both enrolled in college, and we told them from the very beginning we would pay a semester’s tuition then they would be on their own. On top of housing and personal expenses, they’re faced with tuition, textbooks—which by themselves can cost up to $500 per semester—computers, printers, ink cartridges, photocopying, and again the list goes on.

Adults know an accident or illness can wipe us out for a few days’ work, the car or an appliance breaks down and must be repaired or replaced, a utility bill unexpectedly increases at the change of weather. Whatever happens, the money we thought we had is never enough to go around once an emergency comes.

There is no way I’ve hit it all, but I’m sure this list is enough to make your teen see that even the most humble of new beginnings in a place of their own will not come cheap. The lessons are hard but it’s sometimes the only way for kids to truly understand. All we can do is sit back and watch, and hope we don’t have to cry too much as we allow them to learn.