Peer Pressure? No Problem!

Nov 2010 Issue

by Annette Lyon
Stand tall. Make your own choices. Don’t let peer pressure get to you. Throughout Sunday school and seminary, the message rang clear: Satan was out to get me, and if I wanted to have any hope for surviving, I had to build armor impenetrable to my peers and their influences.

I saw firsthand how peer pressure can tear a strong person down when my sister spent a year trying to lift a group of friends. Some of them smoked and drank. Most cut classes. Several of the boys had piercings. And my sister had the best of intentions.
Trying to be Christ-like, she insisted that her good example would rub off on them.
The problem? Sheer numbers. One person cannot lift six or eight or ten. Instead, the larger group will drag down the one.

Like all people—especially adolescents—she wanted to be liked and accepted. And while she also wanted to keep her standards, it didn’t take long for a few of them to bend so she’d be accepted and not labeled as a prude. Within a few months, she was sneaking out of the house at late hours to spend time with these “friends” doing questionable activities. She failed several classes and had to do summer school to get back on track for high-school graduation. And more. Our parents laid down stricter rules. Fortunately, her semi-rebellious stage lasted a matter of months; she quickly realized that peer pressure was simply stronger than she was.

During my junior year, I landed in a unique group of friends. I could call the events that led up to it coincidence, but the lasting effects were so great that I think the hand of the Lord was involved. Just as my sister had felt with her group of friends, I experienced an intense amount of peer pressure with my new friends. I wanted to fit in—badly. To be liked by them, to be accepted, to truly belong and not be dropped from the group, even inadvertently.

The way to stay “cool” in that group is what held the key to the difference between my experience and my sister’s. With these friends, not attending seminary was exceedingly uncool. Reading the scriptures and Church magazines: cool. Skipping class: uncool. Getting good grades: cool. Attending cultural events: cool. Playing uplifting, fun games: cool. Watching good-quality movies with great messages: cool.

What happened was that the more time I spent with these friends, the better a person I became. To keep up on conversations, I needed to be up on current events. If someone brought up a spiritual question, I’d better know my scriptures and maybe what the latest New Era said about it. To belong in that group, I was expected to get good grades and plan for college and study for tests—something we often did together. If a movie was ever suggested, certain content was always assumed to be off-limits.

If I didn’t fast on fast Sunday, if I skipped church altogether, if I blew off seminary or scripture reading or all those other things, I was telling them I didn’t have the same values and standards they did. If I didn’t work toward attending college, if I had no desire to attend a concert or play, or if I passed on a fun adventure like bike riding on a new trail, they were disappointed. If I didn’t reach out to someone who was shy or seemed down, I didn’t live up to their expectations.

I never wanted to let them down.

While I’d never been a slacker—church and school had always been important to me, for example—I certainly upped my game. I worked harder to be a better person. To really study my scriptures so that when we had spiritual conversations, I could contribute in a meaningful way. I worked to get the best grades I could. I was a painfully shy person, so reaching out to fellow students like they did—apparently with ease—was brutally hard for me. But I did it.

In everything I did, the bar was raised.

When I look back on that time and think of the two different groups of friends—my sister’s and mine—I see a clear message: peer pressure is amazingly powerful. In both cases, a young woman did whatever it took to fit in.

But instead of telling our youth to fear peer pressure, to avoid it, to prepare to stand alone against the onslaught and tempestuous winds the devil will send them, I prefer to give our youth a different message.

Yes, peer pressure is real. And it’s powerful. Like it or not, it will affect you. Therefore, decide which kind you want. Deliberately pick positive peer pressure. Then seek out peers who will push you to raise your bar, those you can also urge on, being a positive force on them in return, so all are lifted up, like the rising level of water in a lake.

Peer pressure isn’t necessarily something to fear. All by itself it isn’t positive or negative. What we do with it—and what we choose for it—determines its nature.

So, teens, you tell me: Will you be dragged down, or will you be lifted up?

Make the choice, cling to it, and fly.