By Roger Stark
As an addiction counselor, a person of recovery myself and the author of a new book called The Waterfall Concept, my focus has been on helping Latter-day Saints who find themselves slaves to addictions and compulsive behavior. My priority has been on helping others to break the cycle of addiction and to have the tools to truly heal and recover.

Recently, however, I spoke with a Stake President of a Brigham Young University stake who gave me a great deal to think about. When he learned that I was a counselor and had authored a book that is, as the subtitle suggests, “a blueprint for addiction recovery,” our conversation turned to addiction. He told me that he was leading an effort in his stake to prevent addiction, especially pornography addiction, from occurring among his stake’s members.

As we talked, I realized that a view of the beginnings of addiction could be of benefit to youth who may be struggling and to their parents, leaders and teachers who are striving to help direct their paths. Since then, I have reflected on that conversation several times and have tried to articulate in my mind just what I might say to a young person about the dangers of the addictive process.

First, I recognize that education, while not the complete answer, would be a place to start.

I would begin by saying: “You are playing with fire.” More accurately, “You are playing with fire and gasoline. What may seem like a harmless spark can easily turn into a nearly uncontrollable inferno.”

Whether it be drugs and alcohol, video gaming or pornography and the other sexual addictions, we never see the real danger when we begin to experiment with using. We only see benefits (they are fun and exhilarating) and, in the beginning, there are seldom consequences that might deter us from using again. However, I can flat out promise that at the other end of this spectrum, when a full-blown addiction is developed, there are no benefits (yes, that means it is no longer fun and there is no exhilaration, only a failed attempt to feel normal) and there are many, many consequences.

One reason this is all so dangerous is that the process occurs outside of our awareness. We are so focused on what we see as benefits that we don’t realize when the pendulum swings the other way and the benefits are far outweighed by the consequences. Our emotional management system gets hijacked through the process of gradual conditioning.

Patrick Carnes, PhD, says that “excessive use becomes compulsive use.” In effect, we simply use our particular “drug of choice” one too many times; and our use develops a compulsive feature. The urge to use or act out becomes stronger than our will to say no.

At this point we are in trouble. Big trouble.

Yes, when I talk about drug of choice I am not only talking about substance abuse. I am also referring those who alter their mood with porn or gaming. They don’t have to buy their stuff from a dealer or go to the liquor store, but, in a very similar way, these individuals are taking a “hit” whenever they indulge. Like a user of meth or cocaine or marijuana, they are getting high—only they have learned to release their own brain chemicals to get high. That is what makes recovery from the sexual addictions so difficult; the drugs of choice are carried around in our brains, where we can access them anytime.

An important point to understand when considering addiction is that, for each individual, the point at which compulsion takes over is unpredictable. For some, use takes on addictive features rather quickly, as these individuals find that the high they get from using is just too compelling to leave alone. Others, because they take longer to reach the compulsive point, foolishly lull themselves into believing they are not susceptible to addiction and fall for the self-deception that they can quit any time.

The addictive process is a lot like when Pinocchio went to the fair. Remember the story? The puppet, Pinocchio, was trying very hard to be a little boy. One day when he and some friends were on the way to school, they took the wrong turn and went to the fair instead. On the way there, they noticed several donkeys that seemed to be quite upset, but Pinocchio and his friends didn’t think too much about it.

The fair was a lot of fun. While it did seem strange that some of the other boys at the fair had very odd ears and some even had tails, Pinocchio figured that was their problem, not his. At one point, he even noticed that some of the boys said, “Hee-haw” uncontrollably, but he was too busy playing to worry about that! Even after he opened his mouth and heard a loud, “Hee-haw,” Pinocchio didn’t slow down. Surprisingly, even seeing his friends with ears and tails and braying incessantly did not deter his quest for fun. But then it happened: Pinocchio played too long and he wasn’t a little boy any longer. He was just another angry donkey.

For the strength of youth? Surely that strength lies in abstinence, in never starting down the path of using. As described in my book, The Waterfall Concept, there are great helps for anyone who has experienced the devastation of addiction, and there are ways to heal and to recover.

However, make no mistake about it: There is a profound strength in the virtue of never having used, a strength that we only begin to understand when it is lost. May I raise my own voice of warning, as a person of recovery from addiction. My addiction robbed me of many things. It also robbed my family of me. I will never regain what I lost, as it is forever gone. My addictive behaviors and their highs were never worth all of that.

So, please, for the strength of your own youth and for the strength of the many generations that will follow you, run away now, as fast as you can, from the gasoline and the fire.

Roger Stark is a trained and licensed addiction counselor in the state of Washington and a member of the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists. As he sought his own healing, Roger prayerfully promised he would do whatever possible to help others to heal and recover from addiction. He is fulfilling that promise through his speaking and counseling, his recently released book—The Waterfall Concept: a blueprint for recovery—and resources on his Web site: www.waterfallconcept.org.

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