Casting Stones

Feb 2011 Issue

By Lu Ann Brobst Staheli
We live in the information age, carrying media with us everywhere and having instant access to more knowledge than we ever thought possible a generation ago. Although this immediacy can be a blessing, sometimes we find out more than we’d like, especially about people we must interact with in both work and spiritual situations.

It seems news sites have moved to the idea of guilty-as-charged instead of presumed-innocent when it comes to passing along information, as unfiltered or mistaken as it may be. Open availability of police records, including booking sites where name, photo, and crime are stated clearly, allowing us to discover local arrests, criminal records, or sexual predators within our midst. And much of this information is still passed along in the age-old form of word-of-mouth, better known as gossip, as wrong as this practice may be.

Yet, we listen, and we unfortunately seem to believe the worst in people. What if we hear only part of the story?
What if the source doesn’t have anything correct? Worse yet, what if everything about the information is completely correct, and yet we must work side-by-side at our job or church calling with the individual who has done something wrong? What if that person is someone you once looked up to as a leader? Will your associations with these people harm you spiritually?

Only if you let it.

My dad had a philosophy about locking cars. He reminded us we didn’t lock our cars at church because we feared the people inside. Instead we locked our cars to prevent the people outside from getting into the cars and driving them away, while we were inside working on our own means to salvation.

Our spirits are somewhat like those cars. We must use them as a way to reach others, to bring them into the church, but we must also be careful that those we reach out to are not pocketing the keys, prepared to take us on a ride instead.

What should we do when we hear gossip about those we associate with? First, don’t believe it as given. It’s likely that most, if not all, of the information you’ve been told simply isn’t true.

Next, don’t pass it on. Did you ever play the childhood game known as Gossip? Someone decides upon a simple one sentence message, which is then whispered to the next person who whispers it to the next and so forth as the game goes on. By the time the message reaches the end of the group, the relayed message is often much different than the one told in the beginning. That’s exactly how gossip works. Every person who retells the story has a little bit different tale to tell. Whether embellished on purpose, or modified in innocence, each new message changes the information in a way that forever alters its impact.

Third, turn to the source. If the gossip you heard is indeed true, then it is possible the details which might affect you will eventually come to you directly from the person experiencing the situation—or not. Whatever struggle an individual is going through does not mean his efforts to make corrections in his life is something that must be shared with you. Allow people the privacy to work out their own repentance, just as you would hope they would afford to you.

Trust the Lord. If the gossip is about someone at church, the Lord knows what to do. He will whisper a need for repentance into the offender’s heart, inspire a loving bishop or other ecclesiastical leader in the proper way to deal with the problem, and offer His tender mercies to the one most in need of the repentance process offered through the plan of salvation. He doesn’t need you sticking your nose into the middle of it, no matter how well-meaning you may intend to be.

Last, learn to forgive. The repentance process is hard enough for those who must work their way through it. Our friends and associates certainly do not need our continued judgment as they repent. Of course, we must be alert so we don’t get drawn into the car that will lead us down our own path of sin, but we can still offer a warm handshake, a smile or a word of encouragement to those who need to find their way back.

We all make mistakes. We all commit sin, but it is not our place to bring judgment upon others who, like us, have also sinned.

As Jesus said, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone” (John 8:7). Passing on gossip is nothing more than slinging stones, and that brings the sin back upon ourselves because we are guilty of misusing information.