PARENTING: For Members, could it be about Mormonism rather than about Manipulation?

Mar 2011 Issue

By Richard and Linda Eyre
Too often today, when one talks about or hears about “parenting,” it is about how to get kids to behave or how to get them to succeed at school or at sports. Sometimes it seems like the whole idea or goal of parenting is to get our kids at worst not to cause us any trouble or embarrassment, and at best to give us something to brag about or to be extensions of our own egos.

It is as though the world defines parenting as something that we need to “get through” or bring into balance with our busy lives, just like any other task or duty we might have. We hear parents talk about parenting as though there was a defense and an offense to it—the defense being to try to do all they can to avoid any big problems and the offense being to find ways to get kids to be outstanding or successful enough at something—school or athletics or music or something—that the parents get some credit or recognition.

Isn’t it remarkable how differently we think of parenting in the Church! To us it is a divine stewardship over our spiritual brothers and sisters; an amazing entrustment from God to care for and teach His own children and to help them return to Him.

Many of the problems our kids have are the problems of the world, and the parenting challenges we face are similar to those faced by parents everywhere in these perilous times.

But our answers can be different. Our solutions can be spiritual. We can apply the advantages that the Church and the Restoration give us to our everyday parenting challenges.

And we can each develop a plan that is tailor-made for our own unique children and that draws on what we know about where they came from, on how Heavenly Father parents us, and on our access to His Spirit and to His Priesthood Power.

Interestingly, all we really need to do to be “Mormon Parents” rather than “Manipulative Parents” is to remember five things—really remember them and hold them in our minds until they begin to influence how we treat our kids, how we discipline them, how we teach them, and how we love them. The five ways of remembering then become parenting solutions far more powerful than the methods or techniques of any expert:

• Solution 1: Remember Your Children’s True Identity (thus giving them the respect and individuality they deserve as children of God)

• Solution 2: Remember God’s Parenting Patterns (and try to emulate His divine example in how we discipline and how we motivate and how we love.)

• Solution 3: Remember Your Direct Channel to the Father (What prayer is more direct and effectual than a steward asking the true Father how to parent His children?)

• Solution 4: Remember the Church’s “Scaffolding” (The Church is our back-up for teaching everything from values to speaking ability.)

• Solution 5: Remember the Savior’s Power (We have the very Priesthood and power of God to bless and guide our children.)

New York Times No. 1 bestselling authors Richard and Linda Eyre are the parents of nine children and, by coincidence, the authors of nine internationally distributed parenting and life-balance books. They lecture throughout the world on family-related topics. Their new book, 5 Spiritual Solutions for Everyday Parenting Challenges, is available at Deseret Book stores now.