by Dave Ellis

My wife doesn’t watch much television. So when she finds a show she likes, I run with it to get some quality couch sitting time with her. Yes I’m that lazy, I will watch a show that doesn’t interest me as long as I can sit down while doing it. Oh, and be with my wife.

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by Dave Ellis

Up in the red mountains there is a magical place where the groundhogs run free like the wind. I know that’s a strange statement to make. It sounds like the start of a novel, perhaps titled “Groundhogland II, Rise of the Tunnelers.”

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by Dave Ellis

I looked up from my lunch at a café the other day to watch a guy outside the window struggling to stuff a twenty pound iguana into a duffel bag. My first thought was “how is it we can put a man on the moon but we can’t make a duffel bag that fits a twenty pound iguana?” My second thought was “why do weird things happen around me?”

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By Dave Ellis

May I vent for a moment? David Ellis is unfortunately a common name. There are about ten of us in the Vegas Valley, each more handsome than the next. It’s true, if we ever have a David Ellis convention, and we are all lined up right, you could totally see it. In reality it looks more like an evolution chart, with me somewhere in the middle.

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By Dave Ellis

I have five kids; four girls and one poor nitpicked boy, but he deserves it. When we bought our current house we only had three little kids, two girls and the boy. It seemed like we had too much space; cabinets were empty, we put both cars in the garage and we had a bedroom for each child. Then another girl was born, then another. I just calculated the bathroom to girl ratio as being 1/4 and realized I need to change it.

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By Dave Ellis

I love to swim. It’s one of the few places on earth, short of a cargo plane doing a nose dive at thirty thousand feet, where I’m practically weightless. I love that feeling. The pool, that is.

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by Dave Ellis

My wife told me I have odd toes. This was about month after we were married, so there was no recourse. It was quite a shock to me as I never thought a thing about my toes; they were useless little fingers on my ground hands.

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by Dave Ellis

Now that it’s Bridal Issue time again I would like to give out my advice to the men for creating the perfect wedding – just do whatever she says so you won’t be skating on thin ice. Speaking of skating on ice, I took my family ice skating last month and I’d like to tell you about it. Sorry about the lame segue, but I’m kind of tired of having to come up with good transitions between topics. I sure love nachos!

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by Dave Ellis

It’s January, I guess it’s time for my yearly ritual. I step outside, see my shadow and go back in to watch TV for six more weeks. OK, so I’m not as famous as Punxsutawney Phil, but I do share his body shape and hairy back. We also walk the same, except I’m a little more upright.

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by Dave Ellis

As I mentioned in a recent article we are having baby number five, who now by the way, has a name: Bonnie Sweet Ellis. The first name was picked from a name list, the middle name is my wife’s maiden name. All of the girls (4!) in our family have the middle name ‘Sweet’ but not the boy. His middle name is Michael because I just couldn’t do that to him.

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by Dave Ellis

“What an enormous magnifier is tradition! How a thing grows in the human memory and in the human imagination, when love, worship, and all that lies in the human heart, is there to encourage it.” ~Thomas Carlyle

Yes, traditions are powerful; they remind us of our past, direct us towards our future and comfort us in the present. Before you recheck the name at the top of the article to make sure this is still Dave Ellis, I will say that I’m talking about the tradition of Ward Turkey Bowls.

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by Dave Ellis

My oldest daughter has recently taken up soccer, or football for you continental-types. We tried signing her up when she was five, but she didn’t like it when the other kids took the ball from her. She still wanted us to sign her up, but only because she wanted to keep the uniform.

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by Dave Ellis

This November we are having baby number five, which means we have a little over two months to come up with a better name than ‘baby number five.’ That child could never be president: who’d elect ‘Baby Number Five Ellis’ to office?

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by Dave Ellis

We have 2.5 bathrooms in our house. I love talking about rooms in decimal form. The problem with having that many bathrooms is that you have to clean that many bathrooms, or in my case feel guilty about not helping to clean the bathrooms, 2.5 times over. The other problem with having 2.5 bathrooms is that you have 3.0 toilets, which doesn’t make sense mathematically, but who’s to argue when you really have to go?

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by Dave Ellis

Where are many types of people in the world. Distinctions are set by class, money, education, sports affiliation etc. I would like to point out another class separation; I call it the have-boats and the have-not-boats. I belong to the latter, and this is my story. (beep! Next slide please)

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